Love Remains
by Woman-Like Girl
Summary: Five years have passed since Kaoru left Japan. He thought he would never return, his girlfriend changed his mind and now he must face the reason why he left. His brother Hikaru and the forbidden love he felt for him.KxH R&R pleaseee
1. Looking into the past

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or any of it's character...unfortunaly.**

* * *

**Look into the past.**

Here they are. Ouran High School Host Club 5 year meeting. So many years have passed and yet nothing is changed. Tamaki is cursing his brother for putting his hands on Haruhi and stealing her from her "daddy"; Kyuoya is typing in his pineapple notebook - now he had more counts to make since he created his company and bought his father's company right after - ; Hunny was eating cake with Mori by his side.

He guessed the only person that no longer fit into the picture was him. He was the only one that had changed himself almost completely.

Right after finishind High School he backpacked through Europe - not exactly backpacking because he stayed in the most luxurious hotels- and never returned after that.

He entered in Yale , and now was a very famous painter, who owned a just as famous gallery in New York.

His personal life was...fine. It could be wonderful if only he had changed the only thing left to change, his heart. Living alone **in his **world was not an easy task. But let's not look in the past right?

He has a great girlfriend. Her name is Violet, she has hazel eyes and light brown hair. Not only she is beautiful on the outside, she hleped him while he was bumed and away from home. She was everything any guy would want. Everything he would want if he could love her completely. She is so perfect that she even accepted his undying love for his brother.

And there he was beside her, afraid of entering the doors that would lead him back into his past. It was a trip he wasn't willing to take. If she hadn't convinced him he wouldn't be here right now.

"Kaoru...be strong and open this door." she said. Waht she didn't know is that even the action of opening the mohagony doors was too much for him. Because the last time he had opened those doors he had company. His brother.

Not seeing any movement coming from her boyfriend she put a hand over his and gently placed them above the doorknob.

He opened the door.

* * *

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the door. And they couldn't return to their previous activities after the door opened because the person standing there was someone they hadn't seen in many years. 

Hikaru couldn't move. It was the first time in 5 years he sees his brother. He wanted to freeze this moment so he could have time to think of what to do.

He was different now. Taller than he was before, but Hikaru guessed that he was one inch or so shorter than himself. He probably was associated to a gym, because he had muscles now, not a Stallone type, just a few muscles so he wouldn't remain the skinny guy he once was.

He saw the tension in his brother's eyes, as he too seemed at a loss for words. And before anyone could speak, a girl that was beside him, that no one seemed to have noticed, spoke for them.

"Hi everyone...You don't know me but since my boyfriend doesn't seem to find words to introduce me I will introduce myself. My name is Violet and I am Kaoru's girlfriend. Adn I suppose that he is changed but you still recognize him. " she said with a big bright smile in her face, one that Hikaru felt like punching her mouth."Kaoru" she whipered trying to get him out of wherever he was.

He blinked a couple of times and looked at her. She smiled encouranging him to speak. He smiled at her and turned to them now seeming to be more confident.

"Sorry. It's just has been such a long time since I have last seen everyone. I just lost my words I guess." he gave them a shy smile. Hikaru still didn't knwhat to do. Should he run and hug him? Should he just shake hands? Should he fall a part like he was afraid he was going to do? He couldn't breathe properly and he knew his eyes had tears ready to fall.

"Kao-chan!!! I missed youuuu!!!!" Hunny screamed and ran to hug Kaoru who just smiled. Hunny was much taller now, though the top of his head only reached Mori's shoulder, the impact of his hug was stronger and Kaoru almost fell. He sobbed in Kaoru's shoulder and Mori soon went to consolate the crying Hunny.

Mori only said a 'Ah' and shook hands with Kaoru who felt a bit scared, he knew Mori hated people that made Hunny cry, Kyouya gave him a very awkard welcome hug and welcomed his girlfriend - only when he welcomed her they remembered she was in the room - Tamaki jumped up and down and onto Kaoru. This time he fell.

"You haven't changed a thing To-Tamaki-senpai." he said laughing a bit.

* * *

Now there was only two people left to hug. His beloved brother, and his half friend, half enemie. She oblivious to his negative feelings towards her, went to say hi first and welcomed Violet too. Violet looked like she could kill Haruhi. Kaoru had told her his story and she had started to hate Haruhi and blame her for everything. 

His brother stood up from his seat. He felt like a teenager all over again. The one that begged for his brother's attention, the one that loved Hikaru so much that had to leave, because he knew that if he stayed he would eventually tell Hikaru how he felt and ruin everything. Violet looked concerned at him. He smiled slightly but he knew she could see through his fake confidence. She too knew how he felt at that moment.

Hikaru got near him and unlike the hug he was expecting to receive, he got something far from a sweet caring hug. He got the pain of a punch.

"Oh my God!! Are you mad? What was that for?" Violet asked, looking and touching Kaoru's cheek who had turned red immediatly and soon would be purple. Kaoru looked like someone had ripped his heart out, or what was left of it. Everyone was yelling but the twins weren't moving. Hikaru pinned Kaoru to the wall, holding him by his collar. Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes.

"Don't you ever leave me like this again!" he yelled. Tears fell from his eyes and fell in Kaoru's shirt. Kaoru sighed in relief, and closed his eyes. When he opened them again they weren't showing shock or surprise. They were showing the most kind expression anyone had ever seen in his eyes. Caring, compassion, understanding, and most of all...love.

Hikaru released his brother and cried silently looking down, not daring to face Kaoru. Kaoru gave a small chuckle and for the first time held Hikaru in his arms. Hikaru pulled him closer and buried is head in his shoulder."I never knew where you were, you never came to visit us even when I begged you to! I actually begged for you! Why did you come back anyway? Should have stayed wher eyou were!! We have a life without you now!" Hikaru angrily said. Worried eyes watched Kaoru but he just laughed.

"I missed you too." Kaoru quietly said, closing his eyes, letting his own tears fall. Hikaru let one loud sob fill the room, everyone watched them with kind eyes. Including the woman who knew this would happen. Her hazel eyes watched them with kindness, and she knew that soon they would be together...in the way Kaoru wanted it to be.

A/N: This is not the end


	2. Cereal Talk

**A/N:**

**arbiter-cosmos****: Here it is the new chapter!! Thanks so much for reviewing the last one and please review this one too!!Pleasee makes Tamaki's puppy face **

**emily : I am glad you liked! I know it was a bit ooc...forgive me please!!Anyway this is the new chappie hope you enjoy it and review again!!Pleaseeeeeeeeee**

* * *

**Cereal talk**

Kaoru lay in bed looking at the ceiling. It was the same light blue ceiling matching the walls of his old room. Nothing had changed. Even the pictures he left were still in the same place, like he had never left at all. Only one thing had changed. Now he was sharing his room with someone that wasn't his brother.

"See? I told you it wouldn't be so bad. Everyone welcomed you." Violet said as she slipped herself in a red baby doll. Red was her favorite color...and honestly, he wasn't complaining. He watched her and smiled. He didn't love her the way he wanted to, but she certainly meant a whole lot to him.

"I am glad you are here." he said and hugged her as she climbed into bed. He rested his head in her shoulder and she stroke his hair and caressed his face. He smiled happily.

"I am glad you are glad that I am here." she said and smiled, he laughed and slowly drifted off to sleep. She watched him fall asleep and smiled, a sad smile. She knew that she would never mean to him what his brother did. that he probably would never overcome the love for his brother and that if he remained with her, she would be the second best.

She sighed. Why couldn't he love her? And how come Hikaru didn't love him? How didn't he fall asleep with that cute redhead sleeping peacefully in his arms? How was able to shut his eyes and not see Kaoru?

* * *

Hikaru stood there not knowing what to do. God he was so confused...if they were still teens all he would do was climb in the bed with his brother and they would sleep cuddled.

But now...he couldn't do that now...there was a girlfriend now. But he missed his brother so much! He just wanted to be able, even if just for one night, to go back the way they use to. But he knew there was no such thing anymore. The girl with the name of a color wouldn't let it be anymore. She was and obstacle.

The door wasn't locked so he opened it ...maybe, just maybe they didn't sleep in the same room. But he was wrong.

She was laying above at least two or three pillows , part of her baby doll could be seen through the covers and through the sleeping person on top of her. Kaoru slept peacefully, his head resting on her shoulder, hands on her waist. She had one arm around his waist and one hand was tangled in his hair. the way Hikaru use to hold him...the way they used to cuddle to sleep and he would caress kaoru until his fears were gone.

Tears came to his eyes and he quickly wiped them away. Why? Why did he feel like crying? There was no reason to cry right? Or was there? Why did it hurt not being able to hold Kaoru the way he used to? Why did it feel like his heart was breaking? Like everything between them...had changed.

"Hikaru?" a soft, sweet and sleepy voice called him. He wiped his tears, closed the bedroom door and turned to his fiancé. She looked at him suspiciously, wondering waht was he doing in the middle of the night staring at the couple in the bedroom before them. " What are you doing?"

Hikaru didn't answer. If there was one thing Hikaru never talked to her, was his brother. Nothing, not even a word. He never talked about how he felt after he left, but it was obvious that he was heartbroken since he was depressed for over a year. He never talked about the time they spent together or what things they used to talk...nop. She was clueless when the subject was HikaruxKaoru relationship.

He stared at the door for a couple of seconds and walked away, not even bothering to explain anything to her. She got really irritated when he did that. Did he think she was meant to guess what was going own? Would she really have to remember him every day that she is not and will never be Kaoru? Therefore she will not guess his thoughts.

She sighed and followed him...this was going to be one bad, long night.

* * *

Hikaru woke up in the middle of the night not being able to return to sleep. It didn't matter how much he tossed and turned, he would not sleep. And he didn't feel like cuddling today. He was mad and he didn't know why. He always had hated these feelings thing. He really didn't understand much of it.

Staying up , he walked down the stairs and to the kitchen. He started that habit right after his brother left. Every time he could not sleep he would go to the kitchen and eat one of Kaoru's favorite cereals. Chocolate of course.

He entered and as shocked to see that his brother was already there, looking for a bowl , the chocolate cereal was already on the table. He walked out slowly not wanting Kaoru to notice him and just watched himn as he did the ritual Hikaru was used to do almost every night.

Why did he suddenly feel lightheaded? why wa shis heart pumping so fast? was he having heart attack or what? And most of all...why did he feel an sudden urge to hug his brother tightly against him and not let him go? What was stopping him?

"Hikaru I won't bite you. You can come, if my presence bothers you so much I will leave." he said, picking up his bowl of cereal and leaving. Hikaru held him and when his skin met his brother he had to supress a shiver. What the hell was going on with him?

"No it's not that...I was just...watching you." that was such a stupid thing to say. Kaoru smiled and chuckled heading back to the kitchen. He picked up another bowl filled with chocolate cereal and milk and handed to Hikaru.

"I already made yours." he said and smiled. Hikaru smiled too. He would never think that eating chocolate cereal in the middle of the night with his brother would make him feel so at ease.

"So...since when are you and that girl dating?" Hikaru said in a low voice, brows frowing and he would not look at his brothers eyes. Kaoru smiled and laughed. hikaru couldn't help but smile with him. he missed that sound so much.

"That girl's name is Violet. And we have been dating for 3 years now. I met her at college." he said and stared at his cereal smiling to himself. Probably thinking of her.

"Are you sure she is right for you?" Hikaru didn't want to admit he was...jealous. Kaoru came back from his daze and looked at him kindly. Than his eyes showed something similar to - Hikaru gulped at the thought- love...for her?

"I am completely sure...I am just sorry I am not good enough for her. She deserves much better." he said and ate his cereal shaking his head and sighing. Hikaru felt like shaking him until he saw the man he had turned out to be, and how stupid it was what he had just said.

"Not good enough!! Kaoru you have got to be joking!!" Hikaru said, feeling quite angry. Kaoru smiled.

"I can never love her completely brother...she can give her heart to me...but I can't give her mine. It's owned already" he said and smiled saddly. Hikaru wondered who could Kaoru love so much.

"Who?" he almost whispered the question. He felt a bit...sad. But he still didn't know why, feelings confused him and now that his brother was there it was double confusing.

"I am surprised you still don't know...after so many years you still are as blind as you were before." he said and chuckled. The content of his bowl was ending and he was getting ready to leave.

Hikaru sat there as his brother left the room. he stared at nowhere...was he supposed to know? After so many years? So he had met the person? He shook his head trying to somehow chake the answers that he was sure he knew...he just had to find them somewhere inside his mind.


	3. Anything

**A/N:**

**Kelshmo****: I am happy you liked it!!! And super duper happy that you reviewed!!!! Please review this chappie too...please? Hope you enjoy this one )**

**arbiter-cosmos****: Is two days soon?? I hope it is!! And also expect to see another review!!!please...jus one word, anything...ops I just the chapter title hehehe. Read and review and enjoy!!!**

**hearmei****: I think I getting Hikaru's personality very well. Clueless, blind, completely oblivious to his brother's feelings. lol it sadden me...poor Kaoru. Anyway hope you like this chapter and review again!!!**

**Then song I am using in this chapter is called Anything by The Calling.**  
**

* * *

Anything**

**Flashback**

_He cried as he observed the little paper in his hands. "We are happy to inform you that you have passed..." he had passed. He studied to hard and now it was real. But he knew he wasn't crying of happiness. He was crying because that meant he would have to leave Hikaru._

_When he noticed that Hikaru was leaving him behind , he made a deal with himself. If he ever felt like telling anything about his feelings to his brother, if he ever felt like he couldn't take it, he would leave Hikaru, otherwise he would tell Hikaru everything and ruin all the progress he had made._

_So that moment came two months ago. When after 2 yars of dating Harhi he finally said "I love you" and she said it back. Right after that they went to Hikaru's bedroom and their love turned into sounds that Kaoru wished he had never heard._

_But he only heard part of it. After that little part all he could listen was his own desesperate sobs. He had lost it that night and he promissed not to lose it again. So he would leave._

_He looked at the paper in his right hand, and then to the left. The plane ticket. He stood in front of the airport. He cried and cried and tried to muffle some sobs. He was totally alone._

_But all he wished that his brother realized is that, whatever he does...it's all for him. All, everything, anything._

_He had stayed for him, until he was sure that Hikaru could handle things for himself, and now was going to leave so he wouldn't delay Hikaru's progress anymore. _

_All the things that he had done, pushing Hikaru and Haruhi together, hiding in the corner and in the bedroom so they wouldn't notice him, he wouldn't be the third wheel, stop Tamaki's complains, everything...it was all for him._

_And it will be all for him, forever. There is no one in the world he will love as much as he loves his brother. No matter how wrong it is._

_And he was leaving, but if his brother ever asked him to return he would be back in a blink of an eye. And deep down he wished his brother called him back._

_He looked outside the window of the plane. His mother and father were waving like mad people and his mother was crying. Kyouya was standing by their side, smiling kindly for the first time in Kaoru's life. _

_Kyouya found out about his trip. At first he was afraid Kyouya wouldn't let him go, saying that we have to keep the Host Club for college or that all in my head is nonsense. But he was understanding. Kaoru assumed he was like that because he felt like doing the same. Leaving Tamaki. _

_He smiled and waved back. Tars still fell from his eyes. His brother didn't know he was going. He would miss him...but this was for his own good._

**End of Flashback**

He looked at the people he once called friends, playing happily and laughing...without him. They were in Ouran High School Garden. They used to play commoner games here. They were playing now. Kaoru had just spaced out...trying to remember why he had left.

"Kaoru...don't you wanna play with us?" Hikaru stood by his side, inviting him into a life he didn't belong anymore. Hikaru's oblivious way of asking him to return to their lives. Kaou smiled kindly at him and nodded." Then why are you standing here looking at nowhere? C'mon!" he took Kaoru's arm and led him to the spot where everyone was.

_**I will be there**__  
**Always waiting  
Waiting for you  
To let me inside  
Where your fire burns  
In a city of angels  
Well just like a river rushing straight into the sea  
I'm the one thing meant for you and you for me**_

They were doing a game called "Spin the bottle" he didn't understand the rules very much but he was willing to play nonetheless. After all his brother had asked him.

They spinned the bottle and it stopped between Kaoru and Haruhi. Kaoru smiled at her knowing itr would probably some deep, knowing question she had been wanting to ask him since he arrived. Violet sat by his side and by seeing where the bottle had stopped she held his hand looking a bit concerned.

"Truth or dare?" Haruhi asked him. He thought for a while. Dares with Haruhi would be absolutely no fun. He would go for truth and give her the pleasure of asking whatever she wanted.

"Truth." he replied with a smile. Everyone stared at him and then back at her. They knew she was going to make a personal question. Haruhi was famous for meddling and saying things about others that people don't wanna hear.

**_Whatever you want  
Whatever you need  
Whatever it takes  
I'll do anything_**

"Why did you come back?" she asked. Wow...it almost felt like she didn't want him to come back. Well...maybe she didn't. Kaoru smiled, and looked at the sky...remember the reason why he had left in the first place...everything he did was for the same reason.

"Fake reason or true reason?" Kaoru asked playfully. She wasn't laughin though.

"Both." She said.

"Well...the fake one is because Violet convinced me...but the truth is I never needed that much convincing. I really missed the reason why I left in the first place. And I got a mail...begging for me to return and visit." He knew no one besides her, Violet, Hikaru and Kyouya were understanding a thing of what he was saying. Hikaru was also only understanding a part of it. The part where Kaoru mentioned his email.

_**And as you sleep  
Eyes trough the window  
I'm watching you dream  
Well are you dreaming of me?  
Yeah, So why can't you see  
You're all that matters  
You know if this earth should crack  
I'll be your solid ground  
Yeah, I will be there to catch you when you fall down**_

**Flashback**

_"I know you must have more important things there now. I heard you have a gallery and I am happy for you. I am. But...it's been so long. Five years Kaoru!! We use to be together all the time and now I haven't seen you for five years!!!_

_That is just not fair you know...whenever I wanna tell someone something, when I am happy and want to talk...you are not here anymore. _

_Truth is Kaoru and you have no idea of how difficult it is for me sahying this...I miss you._

_I know that maybe this doens't mean much to you anymore, but please come back just once...I really want to see you brother. _

_Hope you come...and if you don't please write to me. Buy a webcam. DO something please._

_Miss you_

_Hikaru_

**Flashback**

_**Whatever you want  
Whatever you need  
Whatever it takes  
I'll do anything**_

After they finished the game and were embarassed enough to do anymore commoner games, they all went to their respective homes.

"Kaoru...can I talk to you?" Hikaru asked and Kaoru left Violet's side for a minute. Hikaru was blushing a little and Kaoru just smiled at him. Hikaru was never good at asking. Though he knew Kaoru would do whatever Hikaru asked. "Could you...could we..." Hikaru rubbed the back of his neck and Kaoru chuckled a bit. Hikaru took a deep breath " Could we...I don't know go somewhere together? Just us? It's been a while and I...I..." he was having lot of trouble finishing the phrase.

"Of course..." he said and they continued walking. Before Hikaru could reach Haruhi, Kaoru held his arm and Hikaru turned to him."And Hikaru...I miss spending time with you too." Hikaru blushed, but smiled sweetly to his brother. Kaoru returned the smile.

**_If I have to crawl  
Get down on my knees  
Whatever it takes  
I'll do anything_**

Later that night, Kaoru put the alarm clock to wake him up in the same time he had in the previous night. He knew Hikaru would be in the kitchen wanting to talk to him. Adn he would be there waiting for him to come. Whatever it is that he needed to talk, Kaoru would listen...even if he knew Hikaru would never listen to him

**_Oh, I'd take the stars right out of the sky for you  
I'd end the world give you the sun, the moon  
For all of the time  
forever loving you_**

And like Kaoru expected Hikaru was eating his chocolate cereal in the middle of the night, in the exact same time like the previous night. Kaoru didn't want to eat it today, he was a bit nauseous the whole day because of it. But it didn't matter. Whatever it was needed to make Hikaru happy.

**_Oh, I'd take the stars right out of the sky for you  
I'd end the world give you the sun, the moon  
For all of the time  
forever loving you_**

Kaoru was like Kyouya, a shadow. Always hiding in the corner. Always doing things without anyone noticing. They were used to be shadows if that meant they could be near the person they loved. It they could be like Kaoru was now. Chatting nonsenses in the middle of the night with his brother.

**_Whatever you need  
Whatever it takes  
I'll do anything  
If I have to crawl  
Get down on my knees_**

He would always be there for Hikaru. If he thought about the things he had done in his life...everything was for him. Even entering the Host Club. He knew that the Club would change their lives forever. But if Hikaru wanted change...Kaoru would give it. And he would it happily. Because Hikaru's happiness was his happiness.

It would be all for him...always.

**_Whatever it takes  
I do anything  
Whatever you want  
Whatever you need  
whatever it takes  
I do anything  
Anything, Anything_**

_**  
**_


	4. Broken Home

**A/N:**

**Kelshmo****: Thank you thank you thank you!!! I am so glad it was apreciated because I thought it to be quite dramatic. Hope you enjoy this chapter and read the author's notes in the end. There will be a preview for the next chapter. Ah and don't forget to review!!**

**arbiter-cosmos****: Thank you!!Hope you like this chappie and read the author's note for a preview of the next chapter!!!Review please!**

**hearmei****: You asked for it you got it! Glad you liked the angst!! Don't forget to review and read the preview of the next chapter on the author's notes!!**

**strength-91-possibility-non...****: I know it's not!! Sorry it took so long to update, internet problems. Hope you like this chapter and review!!!And read the author's not e for a preview of the next chapter.  
****

* * *

Broken Home.**

Everything was fine in the beginning; recognition, chit chats, things that didn't matter, things that didn't hurt. He almost forgot about the pain he felt 5 years ago. Almost.

But now he was there. Seeing him with her was the hardest thing to do – just like it was when he left. He would give excuses to miss the lunches and dinners, just to be able to go home and hide in Violet's arms.

Images always hunt him when he is trying to hide. He remembers how things were in the beginning. How they used to sleep cuddled and wake up with a smiled, how they use to be together all the time. Then he remembers her – and how she fucked up his life by telling them apart.

And then…he can't help but cry. Because after that memory, all that is good is taken away form him. Suddenly there is no Kaoru for Hikaru anymore; he just wanted Haruhi.

But the worst memory of them all…the one he always tries to forget but never managed to.

The Halloween party – yes, he came for him but…something was different. And he found out what was when Hikaru and Haruhi continued to walk without him, not even noticing that he wasn't there anymore. Maybe it is because they didn't want him to be there…that made him wonder, why was he still there?

He gets up from the bed, freeing himself from Violet's arms and heads to the drawer, he starts to get everything he sees in front of him, trying desesperate to run away…from his own mind and memories.

"Kaoru what are you doing?" she asks, confused. In a moment he is sobbing like a baby in her arms and in the other he is packing his things.

"We are going back to New York, I don't want to stay here anymore, and no one wants me to." He says and everything he is doing starts to make sense to her.

"Yes they do! Where id this come form all of the sudden?!" He still continues packing, not bothering to fold the clothes just throwing them in the bag, in a way he is trying to save time so he can get out of there as soon as possible.

"It is not all of the sudden, nothing is changed in here, nothing! Everyone is the same, and if everyone is the same then they still don't want me around. Why did I come back anyway? To get like this again? To become the paranoid anti-social freak I was when you met me?" He asked, wiping the tears that dared to get out of his eyes. She had never seen him so out of himself.

"No…you came here so you could try to forget the past and move on. You came here for closure." She said and he stopped packing.

"I realized something Violet" He said softly and looked at her, his expression showed hoe hurt and sad he was at the moment, the same depressed look he had when she met him. "There is no such thing for me. I will always love him and I will always want things to be the way they were before, and they are never going to be the same again. So all I have to do right now is leave and live with my pain somewhere else. Because if I stay here unwanted any longer I am going back to be the person I was when I left… and I don't want to be like that ever again. I know that if I get depressed again…I won't survive."

She looked down. It was her turn to feel sad. Always want things to be the way they were before. Meaning, never love her or want her just be comfortable with her. She would not be nothing more than a friend with benefits to him. She looked at him, she didn't know if there was sadness or anger in her eyes, and neither had she cared. He looked and understood. He had hurt her.

"Violet…that is not what I meant…I am sorry" He said and went near her trying to pull her into a hug. She pushed him away.

"I need some time alone…I will go somewhere to clear my head…when I come back you can tell me what I am to you; or if I will ever be something more than a friend. Because I don't know how you can tell me that we are dating if you will never ever feel anything for me!" She said and left the room. He stared at the floor. That was what he was trying to run away from. If he continued to be there he would hurt himself and everyone around him. And Violet didn't deserve that, actually he wasn't sure if he should or not be with her…it was not the first time he did that to her.

"_I will go somewhere to clear my head…when I come back you can tell me what I am to you; or if I will ever be something more than a friend." _The words echoed in his head. He did love her, he loved her so much for everything she was and for all the things she had done for him. But he will never be able to love her like he loved Hikaru. His heart would never be entirely hers. A part of him will always wish and long for Hikaru. He never believed in loving two people at the same time. One of them, in this case Violet, isn't loved completely.

He continue dot pack his things and slowly started to pack hers. He would give her time to decide if she will stay with him or leave. He will understand if she leaves him. Though he will miss her so much…he will never find someone so precious like she is. He had to admit that she is like Haruhi. When you find someone like her you have to hold it tight and never let go.

But before he continue his packing and stop thinking about Violet, a very familiar voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Kaoru? Why are you packing?" His brother asked. His eyes suddenly showing panic and Kaoru just continued packing everything. His expression was blank. So different from what he used to be, so far form the man he wished to become, so close to the anti-social Kaoru he was trying to escape from.

"Because I have to go." He said. Not explaining when or why, leaving Hikaru out of his life, out of his mind and heart for the second time. Hikaru didn't know what to do. Should he be the aggressive one he always were and start taking the clothes off the bags like he wanted to? But isn't that Hikaru that pushed Kaoru away? He was confused.

"Don't go…you just arrived two days ago, don't go yet please!" He was actually begging. He felt pathetic but if pathetic was going to make his brother stay then pathetic he will be.

"Hikaru…I really hate having to do this with you, but right now I got more important things to worry about." He said, pushing Hikaru out of his room, closing and locking the door behind him.

Hikaru stared at the door unable to move or speak. His brother had locked him out. More important things to worry? Like what? What could be more important than you twin's desesperate state?

Kaoru also stared at the door, but in a less confused desesperate way than his brother.

What his brother was finding out now, he had known for years. They were separated now. That was obvious. Five years ago Hikaru took the step without Kaoru and their world, their home, everything they had ever known was broken.

He got near the door hesitant on opening it. He didn't want to see his brother's expression. He banged his head against the door angry at himself, and heard the same noise form the other side.

"Hikaru?" He asked. His voice came out like the old Kaoru, soft and gentle, longing for his brother. He heard a small ouch from the other side and suppressed a laugh.

"What happened to us Kaoru?" He asked from the other side of the door but Kaoru felt like he was right beside him.

"I don't know. We changed I guess." Kaoru said. He couldn't see Hikaru but he could guess that his expression was probably as disappointed as his.

"I wish we hadn't." Hikaru said and Kaoru couldn't help but laugh. He wish they hadn't change; he. He was the one who had made all the changes and left Kaoru behind. How could he dare say something like that?

"What are you laughing about?" He asked and Kaoru could tell he was angry. Impulsive and hot tempered as always. He was mad that Kaoru was laughing at him. But he couldn't deny that something in his brother's laugh made his heart jump, and made him smile.

"It's very ironic of you to make this statement." He said trying to open his brother's eyes.

"Ironic? I am serious Kaoru!" Kaoru just kept laughing, his brother was helpless.

"It's so useless to talk to you Hikaru." He said trying to control his laughter and failing. His brother's obliviousness was so stupid it became funny. Hikaru on the other side was having difficult time thinking and staying mad since his brother's laugh was distracting him. He had not heard Kaoru laugh in such a long time…he felt like there butterflies in his stomach and he couldn't help but smile. Hearing Kaoru laugh again was soothing, made him feel…home again.

"Hey!" Hikaru said and gave a little punch on the door. "But…before you leave…you promised." He said and Kaoru tried to figure out what he was talking about.

"Oh! Right! I forgot. And I did not promise I just said I would go somewhere with you, I never said when or where." He said. Right now he did not want to spend time with Hikaru. Well, actually he did not want to spend time with Hikaru and Haruhi. He knew Haruhi was going too, even though his brother had said it would be just them he knew his brother was lying. Haruhi was the second Kaoru. Meaning: he would never ever do anything without her.

"Kaoru… we don't even know each other anymore." Hikaru said with a sad and low voice.

'No…you don't know me anymore. Kaoru thought.

"I can't go anywhere today. I have been having some problems that I have to…solve." He could not leave Violet alone tonight.

"With Violet?" Kaoru wondered how did he know. But then again they were still twins. "I saw her crying when she was going downstairs." Kaoru sighed.

"Yeah…but please let's not talk about it." He would not say why they had a fight. "We can go to lunch somewhere tomorrow." He said and waited for an answer.

"That would be great! Kaoru would you mind if I…" -´Let me guess…huh…bring Haruhi? Kaoru thought – "…bring Haruhi too?" Kaoru sighed again – just like he expected.

"Would you not take her if I did?" He said and heard no answer." Just kidding…it will be nice to catch up with her too." He lied. But lying to Hikaru had become part of his routine.

* * *

That night Hikaru saw Violet come back form wherever she went and for a moment he wished he didn't. He didn't know why he felt that way, he just knew he did.

He made his normal cereal ritual and waited for his brother to do the same. But he never did. He took the bowl with him and climbed up the stairs, maybe his brother was asleep. But before he could knock on the door where his brother was, he heard noises coming from it. And then remembered that he was after all dating Violet.

He felt very confused. He hated hearing those noises coming from her, knowing his brother was with her instead of with him, but the most confusing thing was that hearing his brother make sounds like that was making him very…hot. But he shook his head. That was not the most important thing to think at the moment.

His brother had done a trade…instead of eating cereal with him in the middle of the night; he was having make up sex with his girlfriend. And for some unknown reason to Hikaru, it hurt to be trade by her…he did not even know her. Girl that he was not use to see and he did not even like her that much.

He climbed down the stairs back to the kitchen but didn't feel like eating anymore. He looked at the table and there were little drops of water on it. He soon noticed it wasn't water at all. It was the tears that were involuntarily falling from his eyes. If only he knew that he was feeling the same way, the same pain his brother felt for the past five years.

* * *

A/N: A little preview for the next chapter Muhuahuahua hope you ike it.

_"It's too late Hikaru. I have made my decision…I am tired of waiting for you. I am tired of waiting for you to realize…" He said but never finished the sentence. He promised himself he would not tell Hikaru his feelings. Hikaru waited for him to finish the sentence but he didn't. _

_"Realize what Kaoru?" He asked and still heard no answer. "REALIZE WHAT KAORU?" He almost yelled and that seemed to wake up Kaoru from his thoughts. _


	5. Like a Lover

**A/N:**

**Kelshmo****: Muahuahuahua I liked this preview thing...I am gonna do it more often now lol! I am happy you are into the story. Read the author's note cause there is another preview muahuahua and dont forget to review this chappie!!  
**

**strength-91-possibility-non...****: He is dense, that is why he hurt Kaoru so bad (poor Kaoru :( )! But don't worry...just read and review!!!!And don't forget to read the author's notes for a preview of next chapter!!**

**The song I am using in this fic is called Sozinho by Caetano Veloso, a brazilian singer, but I translated it so please read, it is a very beautiful song. (To those of you who still don't know I am brazilian.)**

**AUTHOR'S NOTES : PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER AND A QUESTION THAT I _NEED THE ANSWER_**  
**

* * *

Like a lover. **

Haruhi woke up and went down to the kitchen to eat her usual breakfast. What she didn't expect was to see her fiancé drooling over the table with a bowl of chocolate cereal in his hand.

She slowly tried to take the bowl out of his hand but apparently that was what was keeping him sleeping in the kitchen.

"Kaoru!" He jumped and clumsily fell of the chair he was sitting. She shook her head. Kaoru's visit was not doing Hikaru any good.

"No, Haruhi. What is going on with you Hikaru?" She asked and he just looked at the bowl in her hand. Haruhi looked too trying to find out what was going through his head. But unlike the other times, she was lost.

"I just fell asleep…" He half lied. He fell asleep while he waited for his brother.

But Haruhi would have to take that as truth and leave it alone. One thing she knew, she wasn't getting anything out of him.

* * *

Kaoru woke up and held tighter the person sleeping next to him. He smiled. She had returned. She looked so sad that it broke his heart. They talked; he apologized and asked her to make her choice. He was glad to say she had chosen to stay with him. But she acted a bit odd; she stared at him with knowing eyes, Haruhi-like eyes. Like she knew something he didn't…that was freaky. 

She stretched her arms and legs almost throwing him out of the bed. Then she turned to him and smiled.

"Morning…" She said and yawned. She looked like a cat when she did that, so cute.

"Morning. You look tired." He stated.

"What a great thing to say so soon after I woke up." She said and he laughed, hiding his head in her hair, finding his way to her neck. "And of course I am tired…I didn't get much sleep you know…" She smiled. He kissed her neck softly.

"Me neither." He said but he was losing himself in scent, too lost to pay attention to what she was saying.

"Kaoru c'mon…we can't stay here all day and…didn't you have a lunch to attend? You know…with your brother." She said and before she could even realize what he was doing, Kaoru was already picking up clothes and towels to get ready.

"Damn! I forgot completely." He said and before she could say anything he was in the shower.

She was worried about this meeting of his. It sounded simple and it should be simple. But there was no such thing for the Hiitachin bothers. Haruhi would go, and that would crush Kaoru's heart. She was afraid that after all this time…he would not be able to hide his feelings anymore.

* * *

So there they were. It was almost two o'clock in the afternoon; they already had lunch and now were silently walking down the street. Well Kaoru was silently walking …Hikaru was chatting and laughing with Haruhi. Somehow it looked like Hikaru was ignoring him on purpose. But it was meant for Kaoru to do something then he was wrong. Kaoru was used to being ignored by Hikaru. He was actually expecting it to happen. 

He had made a promise to himself long ago. He would never tell Hikaru how he felt. Never. It didn't matter if being ignored by his brother broke his heart and brought him pain. He lived and did everything for Hikaru's happiness. He would not tell what he felt unless Hikaru asked him and wanted to know.

So they continued ignoring Kaoru's existence…that was normal. But something wasn't, something he didn't expect nor had any reaction to. They were talking about the last five years…when he wasn't there. Talking about how it was the best five years of their lives. The best five years of their lives was when he was not around…that hurt a lot. But Kaoru was also used to hide tears. To look at the sky as an excuse to not let them fall.

"Kyouya's father had the most surprised expression on his face remember? He really wanted you to marry Kyouya! Unbelievable." Hikaru said and Haruhi laughed. In that moment Kaoru decided it was useless to continue the path with them. They would start talking about how they met and how they spent their time together- rubbing in his face how much in love they are.

So repeating a scene he never wanted to repeat again he stood behind and stopped walking. Hikaru and Haruhi continued walking, not noticing that he wasn't there anymore. The same thing he did so many years ago right after the Halloween party.

Kaoru turned on his way and went to the nearest most expensive mall he could find.

He was tired of waiting for Hikaru, tired of wasting his life for a love so forbidden and so impossible.

He entered Tiffany's looking for the most perfect and expensive ring he could find. He would propose. Stop wasting his life and hurting a woman so precious to him; Hikaru was late…too late.

* * *

Hikaru was so absorbed in his conversation that he failed to notice his brother sudden disappearance. He really was trying to ignore him. He was still mad because Kaoru traded his encounter in the middle of the night for her. He knew it didn't make much sense…but the plan was to ignore him and then talk to him again…make him feel what it was like not having Hikaru to talk…like he felt the previous night. 

What wasn't part of the plan was Kaoru vanishing from their sight. He did not notice his brother leaving…he really ignored him. And now the plan had failed and he was feeling guilty.

"Haruhi we should go look for him, he would not leave us like this." He said. She looked at him and shook her head.

"I am sure he is fine. And he did do this to us many times before he left. Don't you remember?" She asked and he looked at her, confused.

"He did?" he asked, still not remembering.

"Yes…the first time it was right after the Halloween party, he had his hands on our shoulders and suddenly he was gone, the second time was at the Host Club when you were talking to me and he went home, all the other times was to give us time alone…I thought you knew that…" She said and raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't… I ignored him… all of those times?" She nodded. Hikaru's world crumbled. He really didn't know what he had done. That was probably why Kaoru left…because he ignored him so much he felt like he was not needed.

Hikaru would talk to him. Explain that he never meant to hurt Kaoru…that if he stayed he would make up for the lost time.

* * *

Later that night the whole Host Club plus Violet and the Hiitachin family went for dinner. They went to the fanciest and most expensive restaurant in town. Tamaki was sulking at a Moe corner because they didn't want to go at a commoner's restaurant. Hikaru was looking anxious and worried. He stole glances at Kaoru once in a while. Haruhi looked worried too but worried for Hikaru, not Kaoru. 

Everyone except Kaoru's parents was unaware of his plans for the night. He was completely confident about his decision. He would marry Violet. He was sure that with her, he would eventually let go of his incestuous love for his brother and live the happy life he longed for.

His parents were looking proud and his mother looked like she could burst in tears of happiness at any minute. She left some very suspicious comments hanging in the air during dinner.

"You two grew up too fast. But I am a very proud mom. You are the best sons a mother could have you know?' She said, teary eyed. Kaoru had never seen his mother like that. "And let me tell son. You made the best choice you could have." She said and Violet looked suspiciously at her. Then at him. He just smiled. "I am serious. We find that Violet is the best thing that happened so far in your life son. After she came into the picture I could see you were happier. If you do remember it was after you met her that you started your own gallery." She said, voice cracking. He had no idea his mother worried about him that much. She was never home and they only saw each other 3 times in a year.

He smiled lovingly at Violet who was teary eyed too. It must be nice to hear someone saying something like this to you.

"I remember. I really don't know what would be of me without you. That is why I bought you something" He said. At first everyone was disappointed; after all it was just a bouquet of violets. Romantic yes, extraordinary, no. But then…

"Aw!!! This is so beautiful! Wait…there is something in here…in one of the flowers…" Before she could pick the ring he was already on his knees. He heard everyone gasping and holding breaths. Violet was wide eyed at him, frozen with the amethyst, princess cut, white gold ring in her hands.

"Violet, will you marry me?" The whole restaurant was paying attention to their table. A group of violinists came and started playing a romantic song for them. All eyes were on her. Except for a pair of amber eyes, still locked to his brother image.

* * *

Hikaru could not breathe properly. It was like Kaoru was asking him for marriage because he looked as shocked as Violet, heavy breathing…with one difference, he was feeling pain. 

The whole dinner was about how important Violet was to Kaoru and how magnificent and perfect she was for him, how he turned into a better person after knowing her, in his mind; the entire dinner was about how useless he had been, and now how he had lost his brother for a woman, how he had been replaced.

And the weirdest thing was…he didn't know why it hurt so much. Natural separation…all brothers marry and have kids and live separately. Then why was he feeling like someone had ripped his heart out?

"Yes, of course!" she said and he gently put the ring on her finger. They stood up and hugged, cried, danced, and kissed. The whole restaurant was standing and clapping. But Hikaru wasn't. He was still in shock. Not only that – he was crying. The pain was overwhelming him, and while everyone was distracted by the vision of the happy couple he took the opportunity and went to the bathroom to cry alone. Kaoru could no longer be there for him. Or that is what he thought.

Minutes after he had left the table, Kaoru entered the bathroom. Hikaru was standing in front of a mirror, tears flowing from his eyes.

"Congratulations brother." He said bitterly. Kaoru sighed and looked kindly at him.

"Thank you…What is wrong Hikaru?" That question seemed to wake a demon inside of Hikaru.

_Às vezes, no silêncio da noite (Sometimes in the silence of the night.)  
Eu fico imaginando nós dois (I keep picturing us)  
Eu fico ali sonhando acordado, juntando (I stay there daydreaming, putting together)  
o antes, o agora e o depois (the before, the now, and the after.)  
por que você me deixa tão solto? (Why do you leave me so loose?)  
por que você não cola em mim? (why aren't you glued to me?)  
Tô me sentindo muito sozinho! (I am feeling so lonely!)_

"Like you don't know! How could you do this? Replace me!" He said and Kaoru chuckled. "What are you laughing about?" He said and punched the sink. Kaoru didn't look scared or intimidated at all. He smiled kindly at him again and said.

"Of how ironic it is for you to blame me of anything. To accuse me of replacing you. I am here aren't I? Even though I should be outside drinking champagne and celebrating I am here for you. How is this replacement?" He asked and for a second Hikaru didn't know what to do; only for a second.

"But you are going to live far away from us again…she is taking you away from me." Kaoru chuckled again. "Stop laughing! I don't know what is so funny for you! I don't know you anymore and now I will never be able to! I am sorry for ignoring you when you were here! I am sorry for never noticing that you were gone when I talked to Haruhi, but I want to be with you, I want to know you!" Kaoru was at a loss or words. Hikaru had apologized… He had actually apologized…he knew that he had ignored Kaoru all those years…tears built up in his eyes and he didn't let them fall.

_Não sou nem quero ser o seu dono (I am not and I don't want be your owner.)  
É que um carinho às vezes cai bem (But some caring sometimes is good.)  
Eu tenho meus segredos e planos secretos ( I have my secrets and secret plans.)  
só abro pra você mais ninguém (I only tell them for you and no one else)  
por que você me esquece e some? (Why do you forget me and disappear?)  
e se eu me interessar por alguém? (What if get interested in someone?)  
e se ele, de repente, me ganha? (What if suddenly she wins me?)_

"It's too late Hikaru. I have made my decision…I am tired of waiting for you. I am tired of waiting for you to realize…" He said but never finished the sentence. He promised himself he would not tell Hikaru his feelings. Hikaru waited for him to finish the sentence but he didn't.

"Realize what Kaoru?" He asked and still heard no answer. "REALIZE WHAT KAORU?" He almost yelled and that seemed to wake up Kaoru from his thoughts.

_Quando a gente gosta (When we like someone,)  
é claro que a gente cuida (I'ts ovbious we take care)  
fala que me ama ( Say that you love me)  
só que é da boca pra fora (But you don't really mean it.)  
ou você me engana (Wheter you are fooling me.)  
ou não está maduro (Or you are not mature enough)  
onde está você agora? ( Where are you now?)_

"THAT I LOVE YOU!" There…he had said it, no more secrets no more lies. "I love you Hikaru, not in a brotherly way, not in a fraternal way, I love you. I have loved you for years now…this is the reason of why I left…I didn't want to tell you and ruin what you have with Haruhi…" He said, looking down, hiding from his brother's eyes. Hikaru stood there, not knowing what to say or do. His brother loved him…not in a brotherly way…he loved him like a lover.

_Quando a gente gosta (When we like someone,)  
é claro que a gente cuida (I'ts ovbious we take care)  
fala que me ama ( Say that you love me)  
só que é da boca pra fora (But you don't really mean it.)  
ou você me engana (Wheter you are fooling me.)  
ou não está maduro (Or you are not mature enough)  
onde está você agora? ( Where are you now?)_

* * *

**A/N: Before the preview, read this , it is important.**

**Do you think I should change the rating of this fic and make a lemon??**

**Review the answer pleaseeeeee!!! ****Now...the preview muahuahua**

_He really did try. But his heart wouldn't slow down and he his face suddenly heat up. He brought his hands up, just and excuse to cover his blush. He sort of supported his head on the intertwined hands. He thought of him and his mouth dried. Butterflies were flying in his stomach._

_He had read about symptoms like these before – on romance books, in the exact time where the good guy finds out he can be with the good girl._


	6. Pleasure and Guilt

**A/N:**

**jenstar0009****: about the rating...I am not going to say if I will change or not hehehe. And don't worry about Violet and Haruhi...but I can't say more than that or this answer to your review will be a spoiler! Please read the preview and review this chater too!!**

**TazChan****: como é bom encontrar alguém que fala minha língua!! - Eu tb te amo por gostar tanto da minha história e comentar \o/!!! ainda bem q gostou da cena do banheiro pois é mto dificl passar a emoção deles, principalmente em inglês! Eu simplesmente amo MPB então pensei que essa música encaixava perfeitamente. Espero q vc goste desse capitulo e leaia a preview do próximo. Review this one too!!!Pleaseeee!!! Faz carinha de cachorro abandonado do Tamaki**

**-'Kumori-Koi-Chan'-****: I can't answer about the rating yet or I would be giving you the ending by saying what happens to who. But I know you guys would still be faithfull to me right? Please say you would !!! Anyway I hope you enjoy this new chappie which I personally love...of all the chappies this one is definetely one of my favorites. Read and review pleaseee! And don't forget about the preview.**

**wickeldady101 : I can't answer that question yet or that would totally spoil the story. Read and find out muahuahua!!! I am glad you love my story hope you continue to read and review it!! Don't forget about the preview!**

**Kelshmo****: I kind thought it was weird for a girl to sign with your penname lol. Don't hate me I am just doing my job as a cliffhanger addicted lol. I agree with you stupid Hikaru...read and find out how stupid- or not- he is. review pleaseee and don't you dare to forget about readin the preview!!!**

**hearmei****: Muahuahua I am glad I have your support x! Hope you like this chapter though it's not a lemon. Read, review and read the preview! (You must do all of the three things mentioned above or no lemon for you miss! Kidding lol).**

**strength-91-possibility-non...****: I cant say his reaction...but you can read it and say what you think of it to me!!! Read the preview too and review this chapter pleaseee!!!**

**arbiter-cosmos****: I am glad you loved it I was a bit unsure of putting a brazilian song but everyone accepted pretty well. Sorry this chapter took me a bit more time to write but it's ready read it read the preview and review it pleaseeee!!!**

**YOU MUST ALL REVIEW!!! SERIOUSLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF HOW MUCH I JUMP AROUND LIKE A HAPPY PUPPY WHEN I GET REVIEWS!!! AND READ THE PREVIEW PEOPLE!!!  
**

**

* * *

Pleasure and Guilt. **

Hikaru continued to stare at his brother, not saying anything. His eyes were wide in shock, and he was looking like that for about a minute now. Like a horror movie that was stopped in the scene where the good guy meets the monster.

Kaoru stared back at him. Hikaru had to admit he was looking amazing, standing in his tux, eyes showing all the emotion he had hidden for years, confident all the way.

But he couldn't stay there…not answering…not knowing what to do. Not really having the slightest clue of the answer. He didn't know if he loved his brother that way…he thought he didn't but the thought of him didn't made him disgusted in any way…

He had to think, to answer him some other time.

So he closed his mouth, moved, and left the bathroom, his shoulder almost touched Kaoru's in the way out and for a very brief moment his hurt pumped ten thousand times quicker, he couldn't breathe, for a moment Hikaru lost himself just by how close they had gotten.

He had never felt that way. Not even with Haruhi, to make him feel like that, Haruhi and him had to make the most wild sex, but his brother did it without even having to move, his presence, his love was enough.

He wondered if that was love or if he was just too caught up in the moment.

* * *

Kaoru continued to stand there. He knew he was crazy for telling his brother his feelings. But he couldn't hold it back anymore. And he felt so free…like a weight had been taken off of him. 

Of course reality had not hit him yet. His brother would be repulsed by him and would gladly let him leave. He knew that.

But for some odd reason, right now, he just felt happy for not having to lie anymore. He had nothing to hide anymore. And he felt so at ease.

He knew that when reality hit him he would not be happy or free or at ease anymore. He knew it would hurt and it would make him want to die but…for now, reality would wait.

He left the bathroom like nothing had ever happened. He sat on his chair and looked at Hikaru for a brief moment. His eyes were closed and he was blushing wildly. He had his hands intertwined and was banging his head lightly against it. He saw his mouth open for a minute and heard him sigh.

Hazel eyes watched both as she proved herself to be right all along.

* * *

Hikaru tried to control himself. He really did try. But his heart wouldn't slow down and he his face suddenly heat up. He brought his hands up, just and excuse to cover his blush. He sort of supported his head on the intertwined hands. He thought of **him **and his mouth dried. Butterflies were flying in his stomach. 

He had read about symptoms like these before – on romance books, in the exact time where the good guy finds out he can be with the good girl. But neither Kaoru nor Hikaru were good. This was incest, this was forbidden and sick and wrong.

The restaurant was crowded but he could hear Kaoru's soft steps approaching, he could feel him walking right beside him, going back to his seat. And if it was possible his heart beat even faster.

He closed his eyes trying to control whatever it was that suddenly had controlled him.

But something somewhere in his mind told him not to. This was the answer… but what if this was just and illusion? What if he was just too caught up in the moment?

_'Like when you were caught up hearing him moan? Or like when you saw him happily making your cereal in the kitchen? Or like when you use to play the "brotherly love" in the Host Club?' _

He was arguing with himself. God he must have gone mad. These were things no one knew. **No one. **He never told anyone, not even his brother how much his heart raced when they were playing the brotherly love. Their mouths…mere inches from each other.

He shook his head, this had to stop. It is wrong to think about your own brother **that way**, but hasn't Kaoru thought of him like this too?

His eyes met his brother's – the look on his eyes; kind, loving, caring, took his breath away. He was trying to fight the incestuous thoughts out of his head but Kaoru was making it too damn difficult.

* * *

Violet watched as the two brothers stared at each other. Kaoru was showing everything he had hidden; his eyes hid nothing no more. His lips were curved into a shy smile. 

Hikaru's stare was intense, confused. He was blushing and seemed to be very tense. Violet could not be wrong. He had told Hikaru the truth.

"Kaoru?" she whispered not really wanting to interrupt anything. Though it hurt her seeing him look at Hikaru like that just after the proposal she was ready for it. She had been ever since he had shown her the letter from Hikaru asking him to return.

He seemed to wake up from a trance and his expression remained the same. It was the most kind and soft look she had ever received from him but as fast as it came, it was gone. That in love look was made only for Hikaru. He looked at her waiting for what she had to say.

"You told him, didn't you?" She asked, he smiled and nodded. She smiled in joy. Like him, reality had not hit her yet, and for now she would not allow it to. "Good…I guess that is why I had never seen you happier." She said and took a sip of the drink that was on her table. Recovery from heartbreak: alcohol, ice cream and old romantic movies. Of course she would do the ice cream movie part by herself, and for now she would not think too much about it, otherwise she would see that she had just lost the greatest guy she ever met.

He looked at her, puzzled. "Happy? I told him…he must hate me now." He said and she continued to smile.

"Maybe…but you have nothing to hide anymore, doesn't that feel good?" He smirked and nodded. "And you know that deep down you still hope he will love you back." She wondered if she was talking about him or about herself.

He looked at her softly and then at the ring on her finger.

"If he does…I will break up with you." She said, her voice coming out in a much lower tone than she expected. He embraced her gently and kissed her lips slightly. Everyone in the table "awed" them, everyone but Hikaru. She closed her eyes, and tried to absorb everything in the moment. Because she knew it would be their last.

* * *

Hikaru was pissed! Right after telling him, he loved him like a lover would, he goes back to the table and pretends nothing happened, not only pretends, he kisses Violet to make it more believable! 

He was not going to admit anytime soon but…he was jealous. And a bit hurt…did the things he say meant nothing? Was it only one big and sick joke he was playing?

He stared out the window without talking to anyone. Not even Haruhi. The ride back to the Hiitachin mansion was quite slow. At least for him. He could feel Kaoru's stares and he wished that every time he stared Hikaru wouldn't feel lightheaded, he wished his heart didn't beat so fast every time their eyes met.

He felt like a high school girl with a stupid crush. But it was so much more than a crush. He knew he was in love with Kaoru too…all the heart beating so fast, lack of air, butterflies, the way he felt hot by hearing Kaoru moan…it was enough proof that he loved Kaoru. Everything started to make sense. The way he got depressed when Kaoru left, unlike normal brothers get, the way he felt like something was missing when he was with Haruhi, everything clicked in his mind.

But still he was jealous and proud. He would not let Kaoru know he had such an effect on him. In fact, he would prove he could have as much effect on Kaoru.

They arrived home and Hikaru stayed last, closing the door. Everyone, including their fiancés had gone to get a cup of coffee in the kitchen and talk about what a wonderful time they had.

Hikaru did not notice but Kaoru had stayed too. He was waiting to be rejected, waiting for Hikaru, something he said he would not do anymore.

Hikaru turned and saw him. This time he looked less confident. His eyes showed fear. Hikaru decided he would say what he thought about the whole thing.

"Very funny the game you played with me today. Love me huh? And Violet too? You tell me you love me, than you come back like nothing happened and kiss her!" he said, his voice was cracking a bit and he knew it was because he was hurt. Kaoru smiled and shook his head slightly.

"I didn't play a game. It is the truth. I love you. And I kissed her goodbye…because she said that if you ever…" He stopped the phrase and looked down. Hope was on his voice. "If you ever return my feelings…she will break up with me." He finished the sentence and waited for Hikaru's reaction.

Hikaru got closer to his brother, the distance between them ending in each step. Kaoru was the one blushing now, breathing heavily. Hikaru smiled.

"There is only one way to know if I love you." He said and looked kindly at Kaoru. Kaoru stared with a confused expression.

"How?" Hikaru smiled. He looked so cute at that moment. His eyes showed the fear of rejection, his breathing was so heavy he could almost hear him, Hikaru promised to go slow, but seeing him like that, woke something inside of him, he didn't know he had.

Before Kaoru could ask again he was pinned to the wall behind him, one hand on his waist and one on the back of his neck, caressing it softly. They stared at each other for a second, both hearts beating fast, waiting, wanting. Hikaru slowly closed the gap between them and Kaoru could swear he was in Heaven.

He closed his eyes immediately, completely giving into the kiss, it was slow at first, shy, Kaoru put one arm around Hikaru's neck and another on his waist, he tried to break the kiss to get air but as he left his mouth hanging open, Hikaru took it as an opportunity to slip his tongue in and deepen the kiss.

Waking up both of their hormones, Hikaru pushed Kaoru harder against the wall, gluing their upper bodies together, tongue traveling inside of Kaoru's mouth, in and out , Kaoru gripped the back of Hikaru's coat trying to embrace him stronger, pull him closer, closing the distance between their bodies completely. A muffled moan could be heard as a small "Mmph." – left their mouths. By that moment Hikaru's hand were already traveling in Kaoru's upper body, the other hand stroking his hair, as Kaoru gripped his shirt tighter and totally gave himself into the kiss, totally gave himself to Hikaru do whatever he wanted to.

They only stopped at the sound of doors being opened and high-pitched voices laughing. They broke apart, Kaoru almost falling as Hikaru wasn't there anymore to make him stand on his now weak knees. They were both flushed and panting hard, mouth slightly open, eyes half closed. Kaoru supported himself on the wall behind him as he smiled at the way he was feeling, Hikaru's scent all over him, his lip was swollen from so much "action", his hair disheveled.

Hikaru gulped at the sight of his brother. His head was thrown back, his body depending on the wall behind him to remain standing, his swollen lips half parted, he looked so absolutely beautiful and…hot.

He heard steps coming near them and wondered what he would do and what he would say if they found them like that.

But in the midst of voices and laugh he heard a sentence loudly said, by a girl that until minutes ago he hated.

"Guys, I really don't know that part of the house you never really showed me! How about a little tour?" Violet said. She was a terrible actress; he could hear the forced happy tone on her voice as she tried to get them to go somewhere else, other than where they were.

"She isn't so bad after all." Hikaru said his voice an octave lower than usual. Kaoru smiled at him, his eyes still half closed. He went closer and hugged Hikaru; his arms loosely around Hikaru's neck. Hikaru held him by the waist and bury his head where his shoulder met his neck, biting it gently.

"How about we stay like this a little- Ah! – Hi-Hikaru! Not so hard!" Kaoru whimpered and Hikaru smirked against his skin, making him shiver. "We can't let them see us like this! C'mon, stop so we can at least make them leave so you can…continue." He said, whispering the last word.

Hikaru smiled and caressed his cheek in a loving way. He nodded and got a little far away from Kaoru.

But someone crossed his mind and Kaoru could see the obvious guilt in his eyes, finding out whom. He himself then remembered of a very precious person to him. Wide eyed they stood there, not knowing what to do.

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**A/N: So guys...I am not telling if I am going t change the rating or not iuntil I get near the last chapter muahuahuahuahuahua!!I am evil!**

**And now for our famous preview:**

_But they should have known one thing. When you think it's over, it really never is._

_Violet sat quietly thinking about her break-up but her mind suddenly let out an alarm when she heard a familiar voice speak near her._

_"I am telling you, this business is the best thing we have ever done." The man said but Violet didn't dare to turn around to see if it was really him._

_"I am not so sure Kaworu…" Violet felt all air leave her body, it was him. Her first boyfriend, cursed name owner Kaworu Miller. Could this week get any worst? "I never deal with the rich." The other guy said. By this point Violet was starting to think of a way to leave the restaurant without being seen. But she didn't know something about the other guy._


	7. Cursed Name

**A/N:**

**hearmei****: Muahuahua of course! And besides, they (Violet and Haruhi) can't stay moping around can they? Hope you enjoy this chapter read the preview annnnndddd Review!!!!**

**Kelshmo****: I think I know which ones would be your hosts if the Host Club existed x3!! Hope you enjoy this chappie I updated it on time. Read the preview and Review pleaseee.**

**TazChan****: Ng resiste a krinha do Tamaki lol!! Nem o Todo Poderoso Kyouya!! Td mundo ker q eu mude a censura lol, somos todos pervertidos muahua! Mas nao vou anunciar se vou mudar ou nao muahuahua evil grin Espero q vc goste desse capitulo e review por favoooorrrr!!! E nao eskeça de ler a preview no authors notes.**

**shriveled.up.heart****: I am glad my story makes you like this couple!! though it's a freaky, bizarre, sick couple lol I love them and they have to stay together always!!! About Haruhi...I don't want her to pair up with the hosts. Crazy I know but they are the greatest hinted yaoi couple I have ever seen and I can't bring myself to break them up. Kyuoya and Tamaki MorixHunny...so cute x3!! Anyway read the chapter the preview and don't forget to tell me what you thought about it!**

**arbiter-cosmos****: I am so happy you thought it was awesome!! I thought I would get flames for this chapter...This one is going to be a very interesting one and I actually thought it is a bit funny. hope you like it read the preview and don't forget to review!!!!**

** : You could have at least given me a name lol. Any name make up one, you could have written blank lol. your choice. It is updated and I not telling if I am changing the rating or not. Read the chapter and the preview and review it pleaseeeee!!!**

**strength-91-possibility-non...****: No one understood the preview lol!!! Everything will be explained now in this new chappie!!! Hope you read the preview too and u must say what u think about it!!!**

**Closer to the end and epilogue we are coming!!! Am I going to change the rating??? See in the next chapter MUAHUAHUAHUA.**

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**Cursed Name**

Violet stayed behind as everyone started to do the tour she had said. They were talking and laughing loudly and for the first time in her life, she forgot how to fake a smile.

She knew tonight was the last night she had with Kaoru, knew that Hikaru would accept and return his love…it was written in his blush, it was said in his heavy breathing, it was hidden in his eyes.

She sat at the nearby window, trying to breathe properly, trying to hold back the tears. After three years living together, she had grown to love Kaoru, his smile, his laugh, all of him. Kaoru was after all her cursed name.

Cursed name was her way of blaming the name of the person for hurting her so much. She said that anyone with that name would make her suffer, a silly way to blame the pain on someone else something actually. Her first boyfriend's name was Kaoru as well. She had left him after finding out that he doubted his love for her.

Long ago she had decided to fake date him. Date him to make the girl he truly loved jealous. But after 10 months dating she was completely madly in love with him. But when he finally admitted he loved her as well, when they finally took the relationship to the last step...cough if you know what I mean, the girl appeared. So before he left her Violet left him. He was her first real boyfriend. This Kaoru was the second. Apparently she had a thing for guys named Kaoru who were not in love with her. The first Kaoru hurt her bad.

Like this Kaoru, like all the next Kaorus that would appear in her life. Cursed name in her life…always brought her pain.

Haruhi walked into the room she was, realizing the tears in her eyes.

"Violet, is something wrong?" Violet looked at her, and suddenly noticed that she would not be the only one hurt in this whole situation.

"Yes…and you will know soon." She said with a kind smile in her face. Haruhi looked puzzled. All the others were traveling through the house, forgetting the clock ticking, dinner had taken a long time to end, and it was past 2 in the morning." Why don't you go see Hikaru? Talk to me afterwards ok? Let's have breakfast together." She said and Haruhi looked more confused than before.

"After sleeping you mean?" Haruhi asked for the first time in her life not having the slightest idea of what was about to happen.

"No, after you talk to Hikaru." Violet insisted.

"I am sure it won't take so long…at least not until breakfast." She said and Violet chuckled.

"If it does…and even if it doesn't, come talk to me. I will be in the guest room." She said and left Haruhi wondering to herself why on Earth would Violet sleep in the guest room and what was so important that she and Hikaru had to say?

Kaoru didn't dare to look at Violet's eyes as she opened the door to where they were. He knew she would probably look heartbroken. He looked at Hikaru, his eyes showed as much concern as his. He was grateful it didn't show regret. Haruhi walked in right after Violet. This time he looked.

Violet was still dressed in her violet, silky, long length dress. Her braids were slightly messier than they were before at dinner. She was smiling and looking kindly at him, but in her eyes there was also pain. Kaoru felt the tears come to his eyes. He had hurt her.

She approached him and whispered in his ear.

"C'mon, I have to break up with you." He hoped his expression showed how sorry he was for making her get hurt. She took him by the hand and led him to his room. There they would yell and make a scene, fake of course, and their engagement would be over.

Hikaru stared at Haruhi's confused look. God what a mistake he had made. If he had never dated Haruhi in the first place, he would not be there right now. He would not have to hurt her the way he was going to.

"Haruhi…could we talk for a second?" He said and she arched a brow. He spoke the break up words.

"What's going on Hikaru?" She asked and he tried to look anywhere but in her eyes. He hated having to hurt her; she was so good to him all over those years. She had helped him when Kaoru was gone…she had put up with his bad temper.

He moved towards her and got her hand in between his. Slowly he took out of her finger, her engagement ring. He was always better with actions than words. She looked at him like he had stabbed her and she was dying. Her eyes immediately filled with tears, which were falling non-stop.

"Why? What happened?" She asked and he didn't know what to say. How could he tell her that he was madly in love with Kaoru and that he could not live without him?

She remembered Violet's words and everything clicked inside her head. Kaoru and Hikaru…were together. They would not marry them because they finally admitted their feelings for each other.

"I guess it is ok then…I never really meant that much to you…at least not as much as he does." She said and tried her best to smile.

"Haruhi I am sorry-"He tried to say.

"Don't be…just leave me alone for a while ok?" She asked and he nodded. And like Violet had asked her she directed herself to the guest room. She was no longer family in that house.

Kaoru and Violet entered his room slowly, without looking at each other. They closed the door and Violet sat at his bed. She looked down. She didn't know how to feel, happy, sad? A mix of both?

She did feel happy because she knew Kaoru would be with who he truly wanted and loved. But she felt sad because he was her second boyfriend and she was losing him too.

He looked at her; he kneeled in front of her. He oozed guilt.

"I am sorry Violet…I never thought, I…" He stuttered. She looked at him and smiled encouragingly. "I never thought this trip was going to lead it's way into this mess, I really intended to marry you and have a family with you, but Hikaru…I had no idea…" He continued mumbling things she could not figure out what it was. But she understood him anyway. He never imagined this trip would lead into him telling his feelings, and imagined even less that his brother would actually love him back.

"I understand…now, let's make a big scene with a lot of screaming and shouting, so everyone believes we broke up. My things are packed already; I will leave to the guest room as soon as we end our fake fight ok?" She said fighting the tears in her eyes. He kissed her hand and removed the finger. A tear slipped.

They hugged each other for a moment, saying goodbye, remembering old times, Kaoru apologizing to a crying Violet. Right after that they started yelling at each other, half true half fake, Violet screamed most part for real, angry at him for making her get hurt, but then she saw his tears and couldn't be angry anymore. He was also sad…because no matter how old and deep his love for his brother was…they had something.

As she left the room after the fake fight he stayed there crying. Eventually Hikaru came in and held him, he just hoped that she could forgive him.

Haruhi heard all the screaming, shouting, cursing, crying, that Kaoru and Violet did. It was probably meant for everyone to hear. Violet knew all along. That was why she was sitting alone in that room smiling sadly… she knew it was over.

That was why she wanted to eat breakfast with Haruhi…she wanted her to know she would be there after Hikaru said the news.

About one hour after meeting that talk Violet entered the guest room carrying a suitcase with her, tears dried in her face, dress wrinkled and hair disheveled. She looked at Haruhi and smiled kindly. That one gesture made Haruhi fall into pieces and cry like there was no tomorrow. She was sitting in a couch in front of a fire place, left side to the bed. Violet did all she could do. She hugged her and let her cry.

"How could I have not seen this? It was so obvious…the way they were staring at each other –sob- blushing –sob- I am so blind!" She said and continued to cry in Violet's shoulders.

"Maybe you looked at it, but didn't really see…maybe you chose not to see." She said and Haruhi shook her head mumbling just like Kaoru did earlier.

After another hour of crying they went to sleep. There would be a lot of questions and they were not ready to answer. Maybe they would have lunch together so they could figure out how to lie their way out of the Hiitachin's love life.

They woke up it was already 12 pm…they had slept late so it was usual to wake up late also. They took a shower, put a make up on, put their best clothing and went to have lunch at the same place they had had dinner the past night. They would face their pain, get over it, and lie about it of course.

And the whole make up and best clothing…they were tired and sad but no one needed to know that.

They entered the restaurant and sat in a table near the one they were the previous evening – they could not sit in that one because now there was only two people.

Haruhi dropped the menu and let out a stressed sigh.

"Are you sure this was a good idea? Coming here right after last night…especially for you I mean." She said and pointed at the ringless finger in her hand. Violet looked at her and chuckled.

"I really don't mind…I was expecting it anyway. But sure is funny to see you Miss Perfect lose your composure." She said and laughed. Haruhi turned a bright shade of red.

"I am not! I am just a bit worried, and unlike you I did not see this coming." She said and Violet had to cut her some slack. She really did not know.

"True…Why don't we just order? Otherwise we will end up fighting here." Violet said and Haruhi nodded. They ordered the same thing they ate before and waited.

But they should have known one thing. When you think it's over, it really never is.

Violet sat quietly thinking about her break-up but her mind suddenly let out an alarm when she heard a familiar voice speak near her.

"I am telling you, this business is the best thing we have ever done." The man said but Violet didn't dare to turn around to see if it was really him.

"I am not so sure Kaoru…" Violet felt all air leave her body, it was him. Could this week get any worst? "I never deal with the rich." The other guy said. By this point Violet was starting to think of a way to leave the restaurant without being seen. But she didn't know something about the other guy.

"Ari! Is that you?" Haruhi stood up from her seat to call the attention to the two guys sitting behind her. Haruhi knew the other guy. Violet put one arm in the table and banged her head against lightly.

"Haruhi! What a nice surprise!" The Ari guy stood up and went to greet her. She heard another chair being dragged and steps approaching. Great.

"Let me introduce you my friend." Violet lifted her head and drinked half of her drink. Alcohol…a woman's best friend - and ice cream of course. "This is Kaworu Miller. Weird name huh? He is half American and half Japanese." Ari explained and Violet continued sitting like nothing was happening. Haruhi looked at her with a puzzled look which she decided to ignore.

"Ari, Mr. Miller, I want you to meet my friend Violet Panisi." She said and pointed to Violet, reluctantly she stood up to face the "stranger".

"Please call me Kaworu I am not that old. Misses Violet…I believe we met." He said and smiled at her. He was as handsome as she could remember or maybe more (picture the Kaworu from Evangelion but with light blonde hair and brown eyes x or picture whatever you want). His blonde hair was everywhere like always, it looked like he had just woken up, his shirt had the three top buttons opened enough for her to see what was beneath the shirt and make her blush uncountable shades of red, his dark denim just made everything more casual and more se…No she was not going to think about him that way!

"We have. How have you been Kaworu?" She said casually. It had been years since they saw each other. After she left – without telling him - they never spoke again between them or between their families. He was smiling his charming smile but his eyes showed everything he wanted to say to her. They showed anger and pain, she looked down.

"Haruhi! Violet! Thank God we found you, everyone is so worried…" But the redhead Kaoru stopped his phrase when he saw the blonde standing in front of Violet. She had shown pictures of him to Kaoru so he knew who the blonde was and knew what this surprise meant. Hikaru stood by his side waiting for him to continue but he seemed to be frozen.

"Mom and dad thought you have left already." Hikaru said. Kaworu took that as a chance to say one of the things that was stuck in his head.

"That seems to be your thing huh? Leaving without saying anything." He said with sarcasm, smile fading from his lips.

This was going to be no doubt about it, one of the worst days of her life.

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**A/N: Here comes the preview people!! And wait for the next chapter to finally know if the trating will be changed!!!**

**But Violet and the other Kaworu were the most amusing ones. Her eyes showed a very far away look, she was lost somewhere in her mind, in her memories. He seemed unsure of what to do…obviously he was feeling guilty for spilling truths at her. He turned to her like he was going to say something but stopped and ate some more of his food. They certainly had unfinished businesses.**

**"Kaoru…you did not touch your food; actually you did not even see it in front of you." Hikaru pointed out looking a bit…jealous. Kaoru smiled, Hikaru was actually complaining about the fact that he had not looked at him. **


	8. Actually in Love

**A/N:**

**TazChan: A Violet tinha q ser fofa pra poder ajudar o Kao Mas eh claro q eu nao ia deixa ela chupando a dedo. E eu concordo plenamente com vc!! A Haruhi ja se aproveitou demais. Chega kerendo fika com o Hikar com o Tamaki. Acaba com o relacionamento dos irmaos, deixa o Kyuoya triste!! CHega!!! A Haruhi tem q ficar com o Ari e deixar os maravilhosos casais yaoi sozinhos. MUAHUAHUA eu sou mto má. O Kaworu so ta machucado coitado...td sera mais claro nesse ep. Leia e review por favoooorrrr!!!! O proximo vai ser o epilogue.**

**Kelshmo: Muahuahuahua I will take your review as a complement thank you very much. Hope you like this chapter though I think everyone that reads will, and review pleaseeeeee!!! Next chappie is the epilogue.**

**OK PEOPLE...2 REVIEWS?? i KNOW IT WAS OOC BUT C'MON!! yOU ASKED FOR CLOSURE FOR VIOLET AND HARUHI AND I GAVE IT TO YOU AND I RECEIVE BACK ONLY TWO REVIEWS??ANYWAY...HERE GOES OUR LEMONY CHAPPIE MUAHUAHUA HOPE YOU ENJOY, THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE EPILOGUE. _AND REVIEW!!!_**

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Actually in Love.**

Violet opened and closed her mouth many times without really knowing what to answer. I mean what could she answer? No it is not really my thing I just left you because you were in love with someone else! But that is the exact situation as she was now. 'Argh! This is confusing me.'

The other four around them noticed the awkward situation and took the hint to leave. As they went to find a bigger table Kaworu and Violet stared at each other.

"Kaworu I do not want to discuss this with you here…And why are you so bothered about it? You did not even love me! And it's been so long…" She said and shook her head still avoiding his eyes. But she could feel his piercing eyes seeing right through her.

"Why don't you admit you were afraid?" He asked and she looked back at him, offended.

"Afraid?! Afraid of what?!" She asked and he shook his head this time.

"Perhaps we should join the others and leave this behind…as you said it was along time ago." He said and they made their way to the table were the other four were waiting. Before they arrived and sat down he held her arm and whispered. "But I did love you Violet." He said and let her go. For a moment she forgot where she was and what to do. After what felt like ages she sat down still not knowing what to do. Her food was placed in front of her but she seemed to be in a trance and did not touch it; instead she stared somewhere at the back of the restaurant her mind wandering through her past.

Kaoru watched everyone, feeling rather amused. Ari and Haruhi were chatting happily not even noticing Hikaru's presence. Hikaru was happy to be by his side and ate his food quietly stealing glances at him. But Violet and the other Kaworu were the most amusing ones. Her eyes showed a very far away look, she was lost somewhere in her mind, in her memories. He seemed unsure of what to do…obviously he was feeling guilty for spilling truths at her. He turned to her like he was going to say something but stopped and ate some more of his food. They certainly had unfinished businesses.

"Kaoru…you did not touch your food; actually you did not even see it in front of you." Hikaru pointed out looking a bit…jealous. Kaoru smiled, Hikaru was actually complaining about the fact that he had not looked at him. He spent the rest of the meal watching the person he loved the most, his brother Hikaru. He was sure the others would be fine.

Arriving back at the Hiitachin mansion was rather uncomfortable. Hikaru and Koru managed to get them rid of questions for a while. Hikaru and Kaoru invited Ari and the other Kaworu to the mansion since they seemed in need to talk with the two girls. Ari and Haruhi went to talk on the living room. Violet headed to the swings in the garden. They were rarely ever used but looked as they were new. There is no such thing as old and ugly things at a mansion.

Kaworu followed her. He still did not know what to say or do, he just wanted to be able to talk to her like they use to - when they were still friends.

"So…How is life?" She asked casually, like they were colleagues. He sighed.

"It depends. If you mean about money and business everything is perfect. I am starting a new business with Ari; he seems to be a nice guy. I met him in New York." He answered and waited for another question he was sure she was going to ask.

"How about Lydia? Where are you two getting married? She was you Junior High sweetheart after all." She asked still not looking at him, he tried to make her look but she would only stare somewhere else far from his eyes.

"We broke up after 6 month dating." He said and this time she looked. Shocked and confused she waited for him to continue. "It just wasn't mean to be. I kept comparing her to you. I wish I could have seen that the one I wanted was by my side all along. You." He said and sighed again. If only he could make her understand how much he still loved her.

"If you did love me then why did you leave me alone in that room and went to talk to Lydia? If our fake relationship wasn't fake anymore why did you leave? Why didn't you stay and ignore her?" She asked looking forward instead of facing him. Good questions. Truth was when he started dating her he only wanted Lydia - his Junior High crush - to get jealous. But after dating for such a long time he discovered he was in love with this beautiful hazel eyed woman. But she left before he could say so.

"I did not leave…I could not leave her waiting for me otherwise she would enter our room and see you. You were sleeping I did not want to bother you with this. I knew how upset you did be if you saw her. I was getting rid of her before you could wake up. But by the time I returned to the room there was only a note. 'I am glad you finally got her. Sorry for making you stay with me for so long; Violet Panisi'. And after that I never saw you again. You did not even gave me a chance to explain what happened and what she was doing there…I know you were afraid of being rejected but we had just spent the night together after ten months of dating! Do you actually think I would ever leave you? I took four months to start dating her but I kept wanting her to be you. And I still want you. I still love you Violet Panisi." He softly said and wiped a tear that feel from her eyes.

The twins watched both pairs from the security control room. They smiled at each other.

Ari was talking with Haruhi, the distance between them much smaller than before, he touched her arm a couple of times. Kaworu and Violet were solving long and old issues.

Kaoru snuggled closer to Hikaru, his head resting on Hikaru's shoulder, breath tickling his hair. His hands were around his neck and he was sitting on Hikaru's lap.

Hikaru stroked Kaoru's hair with one hand; the other was holding him firmly by his waist. His head was resting on top of Kaoru's.

Hikaru moved his head lower asking for a kiss. Kaoru just smiled and gave what his brother wanted. They were getting quite good at it - Hikaru's expert tongue exploring every inch of his brother's mouth, Kaoru's hand stroking the back of his head, a very sensitive spot; Hikaru's hand slipping under Kaoru's shirt, finding his skin.

"Hi-Hikaru!" Kaoru said. Hikaru smirked and continued his ministrations, his mouth reluctantly moving from his brother's mouth to the neck. Hikaru gave small soft bites, moving from the crook of Kaoru's neck to his earlobe. Kaoru bite his lip hard trying not to cry out his brother's name. He allowed his free hand to do some exploring too. He found the way to Hikaru's chest, his hand traveling up and down his well toned muscles.

Hikaru groaned and Kaoru felt something hard poke his left leg. He blushed a dark shade of red, feeling heat build up at the pit of his stomach and spread through his body. Hikaru must have felt the same.

"Kaoru…" he said his voice hoarse. "Perhaps we should go to our room…" He said and Kaoru got the hint. Hikaru was horny…he didn't blame him, he was too. He nodded shyly. They made their way trying to avoid employees towards Hikaru's room, _their_ room.

Kaoru barely entered the room, he felt himself being pushed inside and against the door, he heard a click; Hikaru had locked the door. He was breathing heavy and fast, his heart was racing. Hikaru pushed himself completely against Kaoru, earning a long moan from him. Both of them were hot and hard, heat seemed to be emanating from their bodies.

Hikaru trailed kisses in Kaoru's neck, biting it gently, and his hands opening the button on Kaoru's shirt while he continued kissing his way down eventually getting rid of the shirt, playing with Kaoru's nipples, biting, sucking, massaging.

"Hikaru…" Kaoru whispered, his knees were weak and he was having a real difficult time standing up. He put a hand on Hikaru's hair, caressing whatever part of his brother his hand reached.

Hikaru stood up straight again and kissed his brother again, hands traveling through his chest feeling Kaoru's soft skin under his fingers, wanting more of his brother. Kaoru took his time taking Hikaru's shirt off, sighing at his beauty when the shirt fell of. Hikaru was a shade darker than him, a little more muscled. He let a hand brush slightly across his brother's chest, who closed his eyes and enjoyed Kaoru's hand.

"Hikaru…I am sorry." Kaoru said and before Hikaru could ask what he was sorry for, Kaoru bite him in the crook of his neck, leaving a purple mark. Hikaru threw his head back, mouth open as a small groan left him.

"You so don't have to be sorry for this Kaoru…" He said and bites Kaoru in the same spot. He went back to Kaoru's chest, hands opening the way to for his mouth, marking Kaoru as his. Each noise Kaoru made only made him get hotter, his pants suddenly feeling quite tight.

He opens Kaoru's pants and pulls both of them down. He blushed deeply at the sight of Kaoru's pulsing erection. Hikaru never felt so horny at anything in his life. He gives Kaoru an experimental stroke and his brother moans shyly. There is a bit of pre cum on the head of Kaoru's shaft and Hikaru licks it, tasting his brother. He gave an experimental lick from base to the tip earning a whimper from Kaoru who seemed to be trying – and failing- to control his moans. Slowly he engulfed his brother completely his head bobbing as he sucked hard on Kaoru. He did not know that the feeling of having his brother in his mouth could be so pleasurable for both Kaoru and him. His brother was making sounds he never knew Kaoru could. He looked up; Kaoru's head was thrown back. One of his hands was on his hair and the other on Hikaru's, he knees were trembling badly. He was about to come.

Hikaru stopped sucking his brother and heard a complain coming from him. He licked his lips and kissed Kaoru again allowing to taste himself. Slowly he led Kaoru to the bed. While they went kaoru did his best to undo Hikaru's pants. As soon as he unzipped it Hikaru took it all off. Kaoru broke the kiss and stared in awe. Hikaru took the opportunity to push him onto the bed. They got under the covers and began a whole new making out session, a much more heated one, now that their members were brushing against each other, both of them thrusting against each other.

"Hikaru…please…I need you…" Kaoru said between pants as Hikaru kissed his neck and toyed with his nipples. "inside…" He finished the sentence and Hikaru stopped to look at him. His eyes filled with lust and desire.

"Don't go anywhere." Hikaru said with a smirk on his lips and left his naked and very aroused brother waiting on the bed. He opened the cabinets on their bathroom and searched for anything that would serve as a lube. He got something that apparently would work and walked bed to the bed, his brother's gaze on him – and other parts of him – all the time. He got under the covers above his brother again.

"Are you sure about this?" Hikaru asked. Kaoru just nodded and spread his legs. Hikaru's eyes got darker as he coated his fingers and pushed one inside of Kaoru. Kaoru winced at first; it was a new sensation and a bit painful. Hikaru added a second one and let them stay still until Kaoru adjusted to the feeling. When he saw that Kaoru didn't show any sign of pain anymore, he started moving his fingers, in and out, scissoring motions, trying to stretch him, so he could be a little ready for what was about to come. Kaoru thrusted against his brother's finger pleading for more; Hikaru added a third one and did not see a sign of pain, only heard a moan coming from his brother.

He withdrew his fingers, Kaoru moaning and thrusting forward into the air.

"Calm down my love." Hikaru said with a smirk. He put the content on the bottle on his hands and spread through his cock. It was pulsing with desire and Hikaru knew he could not take any longer. With one quick thrust he entered Kaoru.

Hikaru could not supress his groan as he entered his brother. While Kaoru adjusted to him, he absorbed everything in the moment – the way Kaoru was tightly wrapped around his cock, the way his cock was aching at the sensation.

All he could do was follow Kaoru's requests, like now, asking for a kiss that he willingly gave, lazy and slow at first then fast and hungry. He could only watch and feel himself – if humanly possible – harden even more at the sight of his brother, closed eyes, lips half parted moaning his name as he pumped Kaoru's member trying to make him relax and let him move inside.

He moved out and then in again, shivering at the feeling, wanting lustfully to feel more of his brother. But he saw that Kaoru still had a pained expression so he gave two slow thrusts again, and by the third time Kaoru let out a small and shy moan.

He moved in and out again a little faster, biting his lip to keep him from making too much noise.

"Hikaru…" His brother moaned his name again in the sexiest most seductive voice he had ever heard. And then he said what Hikaru was waiting and wishing to hear. "Faster…please" He did not have say please, Hikaru would obey gladly.

In a couple of thrusts more Hikaru could not contain himself any longer, and lost control completely. He pumped Kaoru hard and fast, going deeper each time trying to find the spot that would make his brother cry out in pleasure.

He changed the angle a little bit and found it.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru gasped and moaned. Hikaru continued to increase his rhythm hitting that spot each time he entered his brother, getting close at the sight of himself disappearing inside of his brother, at the sound of his moans, whimpers and gasps.

As he pumped Kaoru, he noticed a part of him was not getting enough attention, distracting Kaoru he gave butterflies kisses at his neck, one hand traveling his body, slowly reaching where he wanted to. He wrapped his hand around his brother's shaft and strokes it. Kaoru gave a yelp and whispered his name, Hikaru smirked against his skin, making Kaoru shiver.

After a few pumps and strokes he came inside of his brother, mouth glued to his skin, his name leaving his mouth uncountable times.

Kaoru came with him, he could not hold himself, feeling Hikaru's hand around him, Hikaru inside of him, spilling his warm seed deep inside him, Hikaru's mouth kissing and softly biting his neck. _Hikaru, Hikaru, Hikaru_…he thought, or said, he did not know anymore.

Hikaru crashed above him. He rests his head on the crook of Kaoru's neck, his breath tickling his brother's skin. Kaoru smiled and let out a satisfied sigh. One arm was around Hikaru's waist holding him tight; the other was stroking his hair gently. Hikaru's arms were wrapped around Kaoru's waist possessively. Kaoru wanted to laugh at that. He was not going anywhere…not anymore at least.

Kaoru blushed as a question came into his mind and he was not sure how to ask it. After all his brother was still inside of him and he felt kind of embarrassed to ask that. But he would anyway.

"Hikaru?" He asked his voice low, in case Hikaru was already asleep. He only heard a small Hum. "Was…was it good for you? Do you regret it?" Kaoru asked in the best voice he could but he still stuttered a bit. Hikaru laughed against his skin and lifted his head so he could look straight into Kaoru's eyes. Such a cliché question.

"It was perfect for me Kaoru…" He said brushing aside one bang of red hair away from Kaoru's eyes. "I don't regret a thing…I would actually like to repeat some other time…" He said and grinned. Kaoru blushed.

"I…I love you Hikaru." Kaoru said shyly, blushing even more, if possible. Hikaru smiled sweetly and caressed his brother's cheek.

"I love you too Kaoru." He said and kissed him gently, all thoughts vanishing from their minds. But they should have remembered that they were still naked, Hikaru still inside of Kaoru…this was going to be one long, lustful, pleasurable night.

* * *

A/N:

As I said the next chapter will be the epilogue so I will not have a preview for you guys, I beg you to review this chapter, you all asked me to change the rating and it is changed and the lemony chapter is here so pleaseeeeeeeeee reviewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!


	9. Epilogue: Linger

**A/N: **

**To ****arbiter-cosmos****, Bejeweled Lust, Kelshmo, strengh-91..., inuwolf04, wickedlady101, Sakigami, Pinkfox190, and all the others that were/are reading this fanfic but haven't reviewed.**

**_I am so absolutely, completely, totally, utterly sorry. I have left you guys hanging for over a year and I am here to ask your forgiviness with the oh-so-delayed-epilogue. _**

**Please forgive me and I apologize profusely for this. I will try to explain what happened. The past year was chaos -though apparently this year will be too- and I reached a writer's block. I have written other things in the meantime I know. But somehow as I began my fanfics I suddenly could not find a way to continue, losing my line of thought in the middle of it.**

**For that I apologize again.**

**This epilogue is probably disconnected and not really alike the rest of the fanfic, but I tried my best for I could not leave it not finished or hanging.**

**I could not abandon you. Forgive me for taking so long. Thanks for your patience and kindness.**

**Epilogue: Linger**

There was a bright beautiful sun on the sky, no clouds, just pure blue and the amazing sun on the middle, shinning for everyon

_**If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade.**_

_There was a bright beautiful sun on the sky, no clouds, just pure blue and the amazing sun on the middle, shinning for everyone to see, to light everyone's day._

_Not Kaoru's day though. This is supposed to be a happy day, he should be smiling, laughing in absolute joy for his brother. But he can't. He cannot pretend that he is happy about Hikaru's wedding. Or his._

_**I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,  
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything**_

_They had both agreed to get married in the same day, one after the other. Kaoru was already married and now it was Hikaru's turn. He should be happy, he should be playing along with his twin, but he is finding himself incapable of doing so._

_It is not like he does not get it. It is not like Violet has not explained it to him a thousand times. There is logic in this, they are supposed to get married some day but Kaoru just avoided the issue until the media started scpeculating on their lives. Wondering why they were almost thirty and still single._

_**I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.**_

_That was the time whe the three of them sat down and tried to make a plan, something to distract the media...nothing came up obviously. The time they had feared arrived. Kaoru had tears in his eyes by the end of their little "meeting" and Hikaru held his hand tightly._

_And here he was, watching Hikaru marry this weird and short girl, her straight black hair turned into curls for a day. For this day. Hikaru looked amazing with a dark brown suit, a bit unlike his own –a light brown one._

_The younger redhead was feeling so insecure. What if Hikaru eventually fell in love with his wife? What if he decided that all the trouble they would go through wasn't worth it? That he rather have a normal life beside the black-eyed wife? Kaoru shivered and shook his head lightly, trying to make the thoughts go away._

_**So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand?  
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?**_

_This apparently caught Hikaru's attention – he became more observant over the last years, the elder glancing quickly at Kaoru, a worried expression on his face. Kaoru simply smiled in a way of telling him not to worry._

_The ceremony took forever, but what hurt Kaoru the most was the few seconds in which he had to watch his brother, the love of his life, kiss his –now- wife._

_--_

"_I don't think I can take this aymore, for how long I will be able to take this." He said, voice a little bit higher than normal, pacing around the hotel room._

"_Kaoru, please, you know how much I love you, so why are you acting like this now?" Hikaru said, walking up to Kaoru and taking his hands, trying to calm the other down._

"_I just...I just wish I could take a walk with you...hold your hands on the park, be in your arms in public. Stop acting like this is __**wrong. It is not wrong...it can't be.**__" He said, tears falling from his eyes. He just wished he could act like a normal couple with his brother. _

_**But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.  
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.  
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,  
Do you have to let it linger?**_

_Hikaru just ighed and held the weeping Kaoru in his arms. They had a fight like this, from time to time. Hikaru knows how his twin feels but there is absolutely nothing either of them can do. They know it._

"_I love you Kaoru and you love me. It doesn't matter who sees it or what people think about it ok? The lack of walks in the park and holding hands in public has not changed our feelings and will not change." He said with such security in his voice that at the time Kaoru believed him._

_**Oh, I thought the world of you.  
I thought nothing could go wrong,  
But I was wrong. I was wrong.**_

_--_

_Hikaru was dancing happily with his pregnant wife. __**Pregnant. **__That could only mean one thing: that weird woman put her hand on his Hikaru. He was made, he felt jealous, he wanted to take that damned ring and burn it, destroy it. _

_But then he looks at his side and sees __**his **__wife. He is touched and tainted as well. He cannot blaim Hikaru for they are playing their part. But lately he just can't help but feel that his brother is playing his part a little __**too well. **__Wasn't that the way it all began anyway? With an act?_

_**If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,  
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,  
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.**_

_Kaoru sighed and asks his wife if she wants to dance as well. The blonde woman nods with joy, taking his hand as he leads her to the dancefloor. She dances happily, her long and curly hair swaying in the air, her hips going from side to side, the smile never leaving her pinkish lips. _

_Kaoru barely moves as he tries to watch Hikary. Search for a sign of jealousy, a look of longing, something that demonstrates that Hikaru wishes to be here, to dance with Kaoru, to take his hand..._

_But there are no signs nor looks. He fears for their secret relationship at that moment. _

_**But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.  
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.  
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,  
Do you have to let it linger?**_

--

_He only has a few days to ponder on his fears, before he realizes it's Violet's wedding. God, the woman took a long time to get married! She has a 5 year old kid already and yet she was reluctant to put a ring on her finger. Kaworu only laughed at her nervousness, a playful smile on his lips as she walks the aisle quickly._

_Kaoru chuckles at the scene. He is seated at the front row, his wife by his right side, his brother by the other. They are thirty one years old now and it is about time Violet decided to finally take the last step. She is with Kaworu since their little encounter at the restaurant with Haruhi - Haruhi by the way is happily married with Ari, that broke Tamaki's heart for some time but it was quickly mended by a more than happy to help Kyoya. The two best friends - now lovers- are together since then._

_Kaoru sighes at them. It is all so romantic he can do nothing but stare like the romantic moron he is. A hand cover his own shyly and he glances from the corner of his eyes to his brother. They exchange a smile and everything is ok again. The fear is gone. _  
_**  
And I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.  
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.  
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,  
Do you have to let it linger?**_

--

Kaoru sighs...ever since they really got together they had so many worriyng moments. And happy ones...and fights. Btu these calm and loving moments were the ones that made everything else, even the worse of the fights...worth it.

They are at a random hotel room, Kaoru has Hikaru laying on his arms, his eyes closed as he sleeps peacefully. Kaoru's hand slowly massages the back of the other's neck, playing with his hair from time to time. Hikaru's arms are wrapped aroung Kaoru's waist, their legs are entangled, locked together.

Kaoru passes his free hand through Hikaru's back, feeling the other's muscle contract against his finger and smiling. "Are you awake Hikaru?" He whispers on his brother's ear, feeling him smile against his skin.

"Yes...sorry for not telling you. I just really love the way you treat me when I sleep." H says shyly, a faint blush tinging his cheeks.

_**You know I'm such a fool for you.  
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.  
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,  
Do you have to let it linger?**_

Kaoru smiles and laughs, and he doesn't even have to ask for what he wants. His brother already knows, so he slowly lifts himself on top of Kaoru and their lips meet in one -of many to come tonight- breathless kiss.

He sighes as the kiss ends, purring with happiness as eager hands start to travel through his –more than eager and receptive- body.

"_I love you."_ He whispers to Hikaru and pulls the other down for another kiss. It is moments like this that everything else ceases to matter. He is wrapped by Hikaru, trapped in beneath his body, locked to his soul and his heart beats with the love pouring from him.

It doesn't matter how many times they fight or if sometimes Hikaru may seem to be a little in love with his wife. He was always –ever since he was a teenager- happily wrapped around Hikaru's finger no matter what situation that would put him in. And that's the way it will always be for Kaoru.

It doesn't matter how many times Kaoru feels lonely or left behind, how many times they fight about it. Hikaru was always –ever since he was a teenager- by his brother's side no matter what. Happily wrapped aroung Kaoru's controling finger. And that is the way it will always be for Hikaru.

Because they love each other..._and their love will remain forever._

**A/N:**

**Oh and the song I used is called Linger by The Cranberries.**

**Again, I am sorry.**

**And thanks -. See you some other time, I hope.**

**Ps.: Please don't abandon me ;--;!**


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